Thursday, May 29, 2008
Can we guess which are these wonderfully and perculiarly creatures.....ALPACA, ANGORA RABBIT, Axolotl, Aye-aye, Blobfish, Dumbo Octopus, Emperor, Tamarin, Frill-necked Lizard, Hagfish, Komondor Dog, Narwhal, Pink Fairy Armadillo, Proboscis Monkey, Pygmy Marmoset, Red Panda, Shoebill, Sloth, Star-nosed Mole, Sucker-footed Bat, Sun Bear, Tapir, Tarsier, White-faced Saki Monkey, Yeti Crab
Our planet Earth is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures without the need for resorting to fiction. Some are rare, some are on the verge of extinction. Here are 24 of the most peculiar creatures known to mankind.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
From: "Irwin, Doug"
Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2008 9:57:20 AM
Subject: FW: The Miracle of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for you're ass, didn't it?"
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "Irwin, Doug"
Sent: Monday, May 26, 2008 2:52:18 PM
Subject: FW: Read this without laughing! (Tazer... Print)
Some light relief... for those of us who have actually grabbed a spark plug lead ;-)
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
To cut a long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the but ton. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shat myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
Monday, May 26, 2008
The size of the attachments exceeded 1mb (the limit allowed by Ygroups). Instead of me posting these pictures on my blog, the blogger, Mr. Marty North, has already done so by posting these amazing pic on his blog. So, we can all view it from his blog instead.
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Jackie Yip
Sent: Thursday, May 22, 2008 5:43:40 AM
Subject: Fw: AMAZING photos of the Northern Lights and FROZEN WAVES.....AWESOME
Eugene, tried to forward this to ecgeneral but was bounced back.
From: "Irwin, Doug"
Sent: Thursday, May 22, 2008 2:08:48 PM
Subject: RE: Speeding
BTW this is unlikely "in extremus". Ignoring all that other unlikely tripe in this, jamming radar NEVER permanently disables the radar device.
Now for the big question. Did anyone bother to check it themselves? Or have only my three negative responders bothered to check?
FWIW the Snopes page debunking this can be found at http://www.snopes.com/horrors/techno/radar.asp
You know. You really SHOULD start checking your facts on Snopes! :D
Sunday, May 25, 2008
To: Terry Lowe; Anthony Hardman; Rob Rieff; Ron Coleman; Eugene Chung ; Albert Khoo; Glen Reece
Sent: Saturday, May 24, 2008 7:51:54 PM
Subject: Fw: 9 words woman use
Subject: 9 words woman use
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4)Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F***YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.
Todd Louden Waratahs Assistant Coach NSW Rugby Union
IBM Centre, Sydney Football Stadium, Driver Avenue, Moore Park NSW 2021
Saturday, May 24, 2008
This video is about how a father sacrfices his son to save the passengers on a train. The son symbolises Jesus, and the passengers symbolise us(people).
Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross just like the son did.
The full movie is called "Most",
Friday, May 23, 2008
THE ITALIAN ELBOW
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife..
'You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'
'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
'What . . . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?'