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Friday, February 26, 2010

The Aussie Version of Creation

In the beginning He created day and night. He created day for footy
matches, going to the beach and BBQ's. He created night for going
prawning, sleeping and BBQ's, and He saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, He created water for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on
the beach, and He saw that it was good.

On the Third Day He created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide
malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and He saw that it was
good.

On the Fourth Day He created animals and crustaceans, chops, sausages,
steak and prawns for BBQs, and He saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day He created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the
beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQs, and He saw
that it was good.

On the Sixth Day He saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone
to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie
with. So He created Mates, and He saw that they were good Blokes, and
He saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day He looked around at the twinkling barbie fires,
heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all
the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns
and He Saw that it was good.

Well, almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So He created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash,
to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then He saw that it was not just
good, it was better than that - it was Bloody Awesome!
********

Double Meanings

Eight Words with two Meanings                                              
                                                                            
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.                                                   
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.                                 
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 
 
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.                                        
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.. Playing football without a cup.                                    
                                                                           
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
 
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.                                            
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
 
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn- ment) n.                                    
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
 
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
 
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 
 
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. 
 
AND; 
 
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
 
He said . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! 
 
He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? 
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
 
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened. 
 
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.
 
She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night? 
He said . . . A widow.
 
He said .... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.  
                                                                           
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!                        




Thursday, February 25, 2010

Bullshit!: Update Your Account Information to Avoid Suspension

ECGMA says: Beware of this bullshit! Don't click on any of the links. Run your cursor over the embedded links and you will see they are not from Yahoo at all.

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Yahoo Member Service <Mailbot@yahoo.com>
Sent: Wed, February 24, 2010 3:53:24 AM
Subject: Update Your Account Information to Avoid Suspension

Yahoo! Customer Care Satisfaction Survey
Dear Valued Member,
 
Due to the congestion in all Yahoo!users accounts, Yahoo! would be shutting down all unused accounts. In order to avoid the deactivation of your account, you will have to confirm your e-mail by filling out your Login Info below by clicking the reply button.. The personal informations requested are for the safety of your Yahoo Account. Please FILL IN all requested informations.
 
Username:.. .........................
Password:........... ............... .
Date Of Birth:......................
Occupation: ... ...............
Country Of Residence: ..........

 

Yahoo! Customer Care

Case number: 8941624
Property: Account Security
Contact date: 16-01-2010

   
take the survey
Yahoo!  Copyright © 2010 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.

Incredible Imaginations



Friday, February 19, 2010

ASSI-ICONS


E-MOONING


We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) an ass  hole


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around


(_x_)
kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned! Send

this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail.

This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck.. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?)








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