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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sensational Politically Incorrect

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five cans!"

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"

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Was shagging this sheila over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, use the back door!" . ...thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.

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Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail.. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of
this bloke at a party. In my defence... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

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My wife just came in to me and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cos when you're coming, you look like a fucking retarded kid trying to whistle!"

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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a sheila called Penny - is that spooky or what?

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The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently "Only
to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.


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My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. No sense of humor
.

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