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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sensational Politically Incorrect

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five cans!"

Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"


Was shagging this sheila over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, use the back door!" . ...thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail.. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of
this bloke at a party. In my defence... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

My wife just came in to me and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cos when you're coming, you look like a fucking retarded kid trying to whistle!"

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a sheila called Penny - is that spooky or what?

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently "Only
to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.

My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. No sense of humor

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