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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Funny and witty Quotes

At least one of these should bring you a smile!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

 
  
   
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
   
   
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.

 
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

 
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

 
In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday.

 
A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory

 
  
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

 
I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.

 
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

 
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

 

 
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

 
In Memoriam

 
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.   Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.   The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.  They put his left leg in.  And then the trouble started.

 

 
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
 

 
Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

 
Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

 
  
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
  
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
   
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
 

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