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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Humans the destroyers


It's Showtime!

What is a KISS?
It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.
============ ========= =========
What men do after sex?
2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and 86% get up and go back home to their wives.
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Why is your penis better than a credit card?
(a) Once spent it recharges itself.
(b) It is accepted worldwide.
(c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants
.
============ ========= =========
LITTLE GIRL : Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut!
MUM : You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!
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A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.
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A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN : No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.
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Women's top 5 lies: from the whitest down
5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!
============ ========= =========
What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it
doesn't come, you are FUCKED!!!
============ ========= =========
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied : The legs...because every night I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".
============ ========= =========
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".
============ ========= =========
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
============ ========= =========
AGES OF VAGINA:
16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!! !!!!!
============ ========= =========
MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!

==================================

Be Careful What You Say To Your Wife

Subject:  Careful What You Say To Your Wife
 
Laundry
 
A man is walking behind his wife and says, "Baby you are so fat now your bum looks like a washing machine."
 
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bed time, the man is asking for sex.
 
The woman says, "I can't start the washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to hand wash!"
ычнымm

Sounds logical....she can cannibalize me anytime!


Sounds logical...

    
 

Friday Funnies (on Tuesday!)


Mrs Brown Says...


Message
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

London Olympics Humor

It's 2012 and it's the Olympic Games in London.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to gain entrance to the opening ceremony, but they haven't got tickets.
 
The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.

"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus," and in he walks.
 
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.

"Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.
 
The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.

"O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."

Monday, July 30, 2012

Two Storey Toilet!

this picture is worth 10,000,000 words......

 
 
Yep!!!  This pretty much says it all.
Needs no additional comments!!!

Anthropomorphic Nouns - you got to love this!


Dear friends,
 
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
 
We are all familiar with a 
 
Herd of cows, 
a Flock of chickens, 
a School of fish 
and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is:

a Pride of lions, 

a Murder of crows 
(as well as their cousins the rooks 
and ravens),

an Exaltation of doves 

and, presumably because they look so wise:

a Congress of owls. 
Now consider a group of Baboons. 
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group 
of baboons?
?
 
?

Believe it or not ……. a Parliament


A PARLIAMENT OF BABOONS!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out from
 
the Parliament 
You just can't make this stuff up. 
 
 

Black bras

----- Forwarded Message -----
Sent: Monday, July 30, 2012 11:15 AM
Subject: Fwd: FW: Black bras

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: 
Date: Sun, Jul 29, 2012 at 11:37 PM
Subject: FW: Black bras
 
 
The Business Deal

Black Bra-size 38.
 
       
 

A Chinese guy goes to a Jewish guy to buy  black bras, size 38.

 
The Jew, known for his skills as a  businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it  very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to  charge $50.00 for them.
 
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.  
He returns a few days later and this time orders  fifty. The Jew tells him that they have become  even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
 
The Chinese guy  returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and  this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the  large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy,  "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black  bras?"
 
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell  them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
 
 
 
And this my friend is why the Chinese will one day own the world!
 

 



Friday, July 27, 2012

Not just 3 wise men but more....


Medical Certificate

*If you received this via email, click on the link at "Posted by ECGMA to ECGeneral Blog" to view the blogpost"*

Click on the pic to zoom in.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Yeah, what was she on about?!?!

The wife left a note on the fridge....
"It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I've gone to stay at my Mum's.

"I opened the fridge, the light came on & the beer was cold... 
I don`t know what she was on about !!