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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Men are everywhere

Believe it or not...Men are Everywhere!

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND...
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.

Send this to all the men just to annoy them,

Guys loves woman with no lower body

Very Demotivational


Monday, January 21, 2013

Now...that's is bad luck!

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"
 
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
 
"Gee, that's tough," commiserated the bartender.
 
"Right, but that's not what really got me," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
 
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood." 

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"
 
"Damn, that's awful!" says the bartender.
 
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."
 
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground."

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Read This!

My Dog Named Sex

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/dog_named_sex.htm

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WE'RE ALL JUST HUMAN!


Potholes Turned To Art Work

Pothole photographer transforms eyesores into works of art - including a garden, swimming pool and a chilled champagne bucket for three

  • Davide Luciano was inspired after he damaged his car when he ran over one
PUBLISHED: 15:27 GMT, 13 January 2013 | UPDATED: 15:59 GMT, 13 January 2013

They are a menace on roads up and down the country.
But with a touch of imagination, a few props and a handful of images, one photographer shows how unsightly potholes can be transformed into works of art.
Davide Luciano has used the huge gaps in the concrete for a variety of scenes, including a deep fat fryer, a swimming pool and a spaghetti bowl.
A photographer, based in New York, has been inspired to create quirky images with potholes after he damaged his car when he ran over one. Pictured is a diver diving into a 'swimming pool' pothole off a makeshift board
A photographer, based in New York, has been inspired to create quirky images with potholes after he damaged his car when he ran over one. Pictured is a diver diving into a 'swimming pool' pothole off a makeshift board
A Baywatch babe runs towards a pothole to save a person whose hand looms out from the water
A Baywatch babe runs towards a pothole to save a person whose hand looms out from the water
A model washes clothes and kitchen appliances in a pothole designed to look like a washbasin
A model washes clothes and kitchen appliances in a pothole designed to look like a washbasin

Davide then used models to create quirky scenarios, such as a fisherman reeling in a catch and a lifeguard saving a person from drowning.
Some of the images even depict people using the potholes to wash clothes, chill champagne, go scuba diving, plant flowers and crush berries.
 
Davide filled the potholes with real props and only used computer software programme Photoshop to alter some of the colours.
His amusing pictures now sell for nearly £800 for a set of nine.
Davide, 34, from New York, said: 'The idea came to life after I had sudden collision with a canyon sized crater of a pothole.
A fisherman in Wellington Boots catches a fish in a pothole disguised as a pond
A fisherman in Wellington Boots catches a fish in a pothole disguised as a pond
A man uses one pothole to make his own wine, stamping on grapes in a hole to get the juice
A man uses one pothole to make his own wine, stamping on grapes in a hole to get the juice
Tasty: In one image a pothole transforms into a bowl which a man enjoys eating spaghetti and meatballs from
Tasty: In one image a pothole transforms into a bowl which a man enjoys eating spaghetti and meatballs from

'I decided to channel my frustration into a positive project where the useless pothole would be a source of humour and creativity.
'I attempted to visualise and incorporate potholes as everyday props and the project started as a humorous way to expose the ridiculous pothole problem.
'After creating a scene on paper, I scoured the city and located the appropriate pothole for each photograph. The images were shot in New York, Los Angeles, Toronto and Montreal.
Pretty makeover: A gardener makes use of the holes in the ground by filling them with soil and plants
Pretty makeover: A gardener makes use of the holes in the ground by filling them with soil and plants
Champagne and strawberries: Three girls enjoy several bottles of bubbly, chilled in an ice bucket created from a pothole
Champagne and strawberries: Three girls enjoy several bottles of bubbly, chilled in an ice bucket created from a pothole
Alice in Wonderland chases after a rabbit which is about to jump into a very large black hole
Alice in Wonderland chases after a rabbit which is about to jump into a very large black hole

'I don't use Photoshop to create the image or add props, I only use it for colour correction.
'Seeing people's reactions to my work is wonderful, mostly smiles and laughter.
'They are astonished to hear that I do not photoshop the props into the scenes, but that everything is actually set in and around the pothole.'

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Monday, January 14, 2013

Facts You Never Knew!


Tower of Pisa
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Sleeping on a computer
 A normal person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a Few weeks.

Largest pizza
About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday.

Alexander Graham Bell
Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned His wife or mother because they were both deaf.

Skelenton
Bone is five times stronger than steel.

Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

Elephant teeth
Elephant teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.

Carrots
If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange.

mosquito
It would take 1,200,000 mosquitoes,each sucking once, to completely drain the average human of blood.

longest place Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu
Longest officially recognized place name in an English-speaking country is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, has 85 letters. It's the name for a hill, 305 metres high, close to Porangahau, New Zealand.

fish
Many fish can change sex during the course of their lives. Others, especially rare deep-sea fish, have both male and female sex organs.

McDonald's
40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

Shark
Sharks can live up to 100 years.

Chicken
There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.

Tiger Shark
Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.

sleep
You grow by about 8mm (O.3in) every night when you are asleep, but shrink to your former height the following day.