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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

CYCLES (actually recycled)



Life Cycle is all Backwards!!

I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should start out dead; just get it right out of the way.
You wake up in a senior care facility and start feeling better every day.
You get kicked out of there for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're "generally" promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
After High School, you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play or nap all day, you have no responsibilities.
You become a baby with no cares whatsoever.
Then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa treatments, room service on tap, larger living quarters everyday...and then...
you finish off as an orgasm!
It would have to be better that way …
because this getting old .. just sucks


In the beginning, God creates a cow 

In the beginning, God creates a cow, ordered it to eat in the grassland, to works under the hot sun for the whole day. And God give it 50 years of living.
The Ox said , " Working hard under the sun for 50 yrs? No , thank you. It's too depressing. Let me return 30 years to you. I'll have enough with 20yrs. And God agreed.

On the 2nd day, God created Monkey.
He ordered them to entertain the most valuable creature He will create, human. The monkey were ordered to do backflip,acrobatic, and things to make human laugh. And God give them 20 yrs of living. 
Monkeys refused. " 20 yrs to clowning for human? We cant bear it. Let it be 10 years. We return the other 10 to You." And God agreed.

On the 3rd day, God create the dogs. It ordered by God to protect the human's front door. "Bark, each time people goin close to the human's door, " HE said. It'll be 20yrs of living for the dogs.
The dogs said, " No way we gonna do that for 20yrs. We return 10 yrs to You." And God agreed.

On the 4th day, Human Creation. God give human a simple task. "Have fun, and enjoy your life" God placed 25yrs for human.
Human really refused that arrangement. "25 yrs for enjoying life? That's too short!!"
Then Human came with a deal arrangement :
"The cow return 30 yrs, Monkey returned 10, and the dog returned 10. Let us have those, and we shall get 75 years for human. "
And God agreed.

Consequences :

First 25 years of human life filled with fun, joy, and easy. Just like God promised.
Next 30 years human will have to work hard as a cow
Another 10 yrs after that the human will have to give joy to the grandchildren and makes them happy, just like the monkey do.
And spending the rest 10 yrs sitting in the house to bother everyone nearby, just like the dogs.





,




 
CORPORATE LIFE-CYCLE
 

Part 01

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys - all on different levels, some climbing up. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Part 02

All the time, the monkeys on the top will get the fruits first, and most of the time, they will eventually produce SHIT for all
the monkeys below. And all the time, that's what the monkeys below will get.

Part 03

For those monkeys who are climbing up, they have to first kiss plenty of asses in order to move up. How high they climb, will have to depend on how good they kiss. And always if the one on top will not kiss any ass, his ass will get KICKED !!!

Part 04

During times of great difficulties and hardship, the monkeys on the top may fall a few branches down and hit the monkeys below. The monkeys below will be fallen upon and eventually some will fall off the tree, as in being retrenched.

As compensation, these monkeys that fell off get to keep the fruits that were shaken off the tree during the commotion. The tree becomes lighter and life slowly returns to normal.

And that, my friends, is what we call a "Corporate Lifecycle."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Angel in a box

You MUST read this - it will only take a minute.



Angel in a Box


I normally don't send these mushy things, but there was just something about this one that
I had to share with you!

Heaven has sent  you an Angel in a box....

 
 
 
 
 
 
  






Heaven didn't want him, so they sent him to me.

I sure as hell don't want him, so I'm sending him to you! 


The rules are simple: You can send him away, but you can't send him BACK!!!
   Sorry! 
 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Do You Know? Hotel Keycards

 

 
Always take a small magnet on your holiday, they come in handy at the end of it. Thought you all needed to know this. 

This is pretty good info. Never even thought about key cards containing anything other than an access code for the room!   

HOTEL  KEY CARDS 
 


Ever wonder what is on your magnetic key card? 

Answer: 
a. Customer's name 
b.  Customer's partial home address 
c.  Hotel room number 
d.  Check-in date and out dates 
e.  Customer's credit card number and expiration

     date! 

When you turn them in to the front desk your personal information is there for any employee to access by simply scanning the card in the hotel scanner. An employee can take a hand full of cards home and using a scanning device, access the information onto a laptop computer and go shopping at your expense. 

Simply put, hotels do not erase the information on these cards until an employee reissues the card to the next hotel guest. At that time, the new guest's information is electronically 'overwritten' on the card and the previous guest's information is erased in the overwriting process. 

But until the card is rewritten for the next guest, it usually is kept in a drawer at the front desk with YOUR INFORMATION ON IT! 

The bottom line is: Keep the cards, take them home with you, or destroy them.  NEVER leave them behind in the room or room wastebasket, and NEVER turn them into the front desk when you check out of a room.

 
They will not charge you for the card (its illegal) and you'll be sure you are not leaving a lot of valuable personal information on it that could be easily lifted off with any simple scanning device card reader. 

For the same reason, if you arrive at the airport and discover you still have the card key in your pocket, do not toss it in an airport trash basket. Take it home and destroy it by cutting it up, especially through the electronic information strip! 

If you have a small magnet, pass it across the magnetic strip several times. Then try it in the door, it will not work. It erases everything on the card. 

 
 
 

The Future in Gizmos

Pizza Scissors


BikePack


Secret Drawer


Glass Holder


Traffic Signal with Hour glass timer



Solar Charging while Parking


No more Blind Spots (rear view mirror)
 


Wearable wireless mouse


Semi Automatic fruit peeler


Hoodie BackPack


Independent Kids


Hidden Power Outlet


Unique umbrella design


Ruler with holes for precision


Eco friendly Toilet


Mobile Charging made easy


Solar rocking chair


Digitally precise protractor


You can find the keyhole even when drunk


Enjoy


Smart Jeans for smart phone users


For smart parents


Bicycle Parking


Digital Measuring Cup


Built-in Wall extension cord

Scale Out Architecture


Multi Tasking


iPhone Lens


On-Demand Cup Holder


Spoke-less bicycle


Compact Boots


Inheritence


Digital Ink for Tablets


Solar Charges + Window Stickies


Salt Water Powered Clock

Hand Powered Shredder


Knives Set


Wifi Digital Pen


Rubik's cube for the blind


Zipper Ear Phones


cool cup


Self Locking Bike

Calender Ring


Table Tennis Door


Solar Powered Camping Tent